Reflections
The writing.
Essays on emotional intelligence, communication, conflict, culture, and the work of becoming. 111 pieces and counting, drawn from Joni's life, her practice, and the conversations that shape both.
Context
There are two kinds of conversations you have over drinks with friends.
Layers
“You get to choose who you want to be… and then be it.”
Rich
In about a month, the kids and I will celebrate one year in our home.
Uphill
At least not the kind where love magically fixes everything, wounds disappear, and two people ride off into the sunset because destiny said so.
Weight
I don’t think he ever intended to hurt me.
Cinderella
The stage that has lived on my bucket list for as long as I can remember.
The Break
The hardest thing about being in a relationship is accepting when it’s in transition.
Ego
“All men make mistakes, but a good man yields when he knows his course is wrong and repairs the evil. The only crime is pride.” Sophocles
Heal First
It promises that if we stay guarded, we’ll never be hurt again.
Jealousy
“Jealousy is often the bitter fruit of a fearful heart, serving as a direct mirror to our deepest self-doubt.”
Liar
I was listening to a friend describe what matters most to her in relationships, leadership, and the work she does in the world.
Needle
“I’m afraid you’re looking for a needle in a haystack, miss.”
Trust
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned about relationships is that love and trust are not the same thing.
Blueprints
I used to think people made choices for obvious reasons.
Exposed
Stories. Rumors. Exaggerations. Half-truths wrapped in assumptions.
Impact
“What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world, remains and is immortal.” - Albert Pike
Three Little Words
Three little words. That’s what they all say.
Watch Me
But when someone asked me recently, I found myself completely caught off guard.
8 years
With hundreds of conversations, articles, interviews, and book sales centered around healing, relationships, and resilience, I've realized something recently…
Freedom
"What are you going to do with your newfound freedom?" As he started listing off bucket-list ideas and all the things he finally wanted to experience, he…
Poison
"You're going to forgive him, aren't you?" I could hear the disdain in her voice. Like so many people who have walked through this pain alongside me, her…
Sending out love
There are moments as a parent that stop you in your tracks. Moments where you realize your children are becoming exactly the kind of humans you hoped they…
Small Things
"Can you text me to let me know you got home safe? When you are inside and the door is locked behind you.
The Other Side
"Well, did you do it?" "What?" Shocked that he would even ask me that "Well, did you?" "No, of course not!" I said with an edge "Okay, then take yourself out…
Glow up
Obviously, I haven't been out much lately. Between stepping away from work, walking through some deeply personal challenges, and carrying a kind of pain…
Return
I could feel my heart rate spiking as I parked. For a moment, I just sat there- hands still on the steering wheel, breath shallow, trying yet again to steady…
New Season
When I walked out of the restaurant for the last time on February 1st, I took a moment to just look at the house that I loved. Truly.
The Vet
I have been writing lots of articles and my most recent contribution has been to the VA Magazine: https://www.v2mag.
Chin Up
We rarely fight. In the years that we've been building our relationship- intentionally, thoughtfully- we've created something rooted in communication.
OTWOA
I've never wanted to be an advocate. Even writing that feels strange, considering where I am now- but it's the truth.
Today
Today was a day. Not the kind you wrap up neatly with a bow, but the kind you sit with… the kind you feel all the way through.
Almost
It had been four years since I had seen him. We had texted for a while after I left, keeping things light, familiar… unfinished.
Intimacy
"I don't just experience intimacy anymore- I create it." I had forgotten what it felt like. To spend hours tangled up in bed with someone who truly sees you.
Pretty Face
"You do not get to define me by what you fail to understand." I have always been seen as "just a pretty face".
Toothpaste
The year was 1999, a Monday night in the basement of the Shockey home, where about 20 youth and young adults gathered to listen to one of our youth leaders,…
Green Flags in the Wild
Proof that I have always been committed to the cause "You're going over to the dark side," he said, tilting his head just enough to be annoying.
Emergency
I reached up to the top shelf, and suddenly shadows moved across my eyesight before I could catch my breath.
Unreasonable
When People Need You to Be the Problem After months of problems, complaints, and missed marks, a conversation finally had to happen.
Abuse
The biggest online debate right now is, of course, Taylor Frankie Paul. I sat down at my laptop, ready to add my own thoughts to the conversation.
Coach
"She is just a coach." That was how I was recently described, and if I'm honest, I had to sit with it for a little while.
Red Flags
This is a story of when someone tries to make you a weapon in their relationship. Ive lived in said season.
Valleys
My friend called me yesterday- just to check in. He knows I've been sitting with pieces of our shared past… a past that was twisted and used against me,…
the Past
The winter of 2019 used to feel far behind me. Tonight it feels like yesterday. Like I stepped through a door I thought had been closed. Old trauma.
Seek First to Understand
"I would have told you anything you wanted. All you had to do was ask. My life, my heart, is an open book for you. I love and adore you.
Alignment
Response versus reaction. When you know your character, you don't have to fight every misunderstanding.
Fire Horse
This month is really big for me. I don't know what my future will look like. And while that uncertainty would normally send my mind racing, I have been doing…
Restoration
I am often surprised by how time moves. Some days it slips through my fingers. Other days it stretches endlessly in front of me.
With all my love, xoxo J
with Valentine's Day tomorrow, I just had to reshare this little wish, prayer and love note To all the lovers out there, don't give up! You'll find the love…
Self Awareness
When his name popped up on my screen, I switched calls -and my composure shattered. "I trusted you with my daughter and you fucking left her alone.
Finish Strong
"I would have just told them to fuck off!" I smiled as I looked my young friend in the eye- one I would soon have to let go- and said, calmly and without…
Mental Health Awareness: You ARE Loved
"I hope things are getting better. You deserve all of the happiness in the world!" "We love you!" "You're loved and amazing to be around!" "I'm standing…
A Year
I'm often asked, "How are you doing?" The answer depends on how often someone sees me. Those who see me once or twice a year, usually through the lens of…
The Silent Season: How High-Pressure Holidays Hide High-Risk Homes
Originally published in Aspire Magazine. The last quarter of the year was always full of events- Labor Day, my ex-husband's birthday, Canadian Thanksgiving,…
Touch
I imagine there's this moment, that breath between passion and peace, after the whirlwind of laughter, kissing, and undressing.
I Love You Most!
When I was a little girl, my father used to tell me, "I love you." I would answer, "I love you too," and without fail, he would reply, "I love you most.
Glass Houses
"If they were to get out of that situation, then this will all have been worth it," I said quietly to a friend. And in that moment, clarity found me.
Advocate
10,000 words, 30 pages, and 4 sleepless nights later I hit send on the document I hope will change my current situation.
Regret
Learning to extend the same kindness to ourselves that we offer others, and why self-compassion is crucial for growth.
The Good!
A heartfelt exploration of vulnerability, healing, and the courage it takes to show up authentically in our relationships.
The War Inside
Shifting perspective from viewing life's challenges as tests to seeing them as affirmations of our growth and resilience.
Love, Not Trust
A poetic journey about finding direction in life when everything feels uncertain and the path forward isn't clear.
A Little Laugh, A Big Win, and a Heart Full of Gratitude
Sometimes the most important journey is the one that leads you back to yourself and your true purpose.
Unsubscribed
Finding peace and wisdom in life's everyday moments and learning to be present in each experience.
A long Road
It's been a week since he left, and I just miss my friend. That afternoon in the parking lot, as we stood under the warm sun, he wrapped his arms around me.
Have a Little Faith in Me
Music makes me feel alive. Songs connect to me in such a way that sometimes I feel like they've been taken straight from my heart. This song was no different.
A Beautiful Goodbye
There aren't many people I would rearrange my schedule for, let alone drive three and a half hours just to share a meal.
2:30AM
When I try to imagine the people I want to reach with my writing, I think of him, the man I loved, the man I love even now in this small, ordinary dark.
Not Tests, Affirmations!
I had the pleasure of being on another great podcast this week and a lot of what we talked about just reaffirms what all that I want to be and do in this…
This Little Light of Mine
This morning a friend asked me, "How are you doing?" I love asking that question of other people because I try to be truly open to whatever comes- good,…
The North Star
There is a star in the northern sky that has outlasted empires, storms, and time itself. The North Star.
Forgiveness and Fresh Starts
The boxes are slowly getting unpacked. The walls are bare but waiting. The air smells like fresh paint and new beginnings.
The House Hunt that Reminded me of Love!
All day, I knew I was standing at the edge of a big life change. But it didn't feel real. Honestly, it still doesn't.
Gossip: the Original Fake News
I am no stranger to gossip. I grew up on a really small neighborhood block. The streets lining the school in a perfect square and we would see dozens upon…
Staying Far Too Long
For her, it wasn't the cheating that finally broke her. That had her wanting to leave the relationship. Yes, it hurt. Yes, it was devastating.
Healing
I've made this drive hundreds of times. Thousands of miles, countless hours behind the wheel, just me, the dark night, the black road, and my thoughts.
On the Brink
The text said this "I will head to the UP for two weeks of camping. Then I will begin the journey of reinventing myself, with a lot of mindful focus on the…
A Proof Copy, AND a Kindness
“I cannot honestly believe that he is reacting in maliciousness.”
Heavy Today
If I'm being completely honest, I'm not okay. Today feels… heavy. Messy. Raw. I'm definitely sitting in my feelings-trying to let them be what they are…
Undeniable
It's been an interesting week. I'm doing everything I can to process my feelings in a healthy way. I hate being angry. I hate feeling hatred. I hate drama.
Power
When I say I love my job-I mean it. I absolutely love my job. I’ve worked so hard to make the “house” feel like home.
Restored, Not Perfect
There are a lot of exciting things happening in my life right now, and honestly, I feel incredibly blessed. Grateful in ways I can't always put into words.
Hand In Hand
The hardest part of healing is recognizing that love and hate go hand in hand. We have this notion that when we hate someone, we suddenly no longer love them.
I am NOT a Saint
I released my Advanced Reader Copy for the book and the very first review was: "I need you to know I read this in one sitting.
Leading with a Heavy Heart
"I know they are always talking about me," she said, crumbling in my arms as tears streamed down her face. She wasn't being dramatic-she was being honest.
Upside down
When I am drowning in pain-like I am right now-I have to be intentional about bringing myself back to my baseline: The person I want to be as I breathe my…
Self-Reflection
"Honestly, I'm Just Not Feeling It Anymore" That's what I told the marketing team for my book. I've been here before. It was the spring/summer of 2019.
The choice
I ran into a friend today- one of those warm, familiar faces who always brings a little light into your day.
Self
It’s been a while since I have HAD to put thoughts to paper. I would love to say that I am here because all is well - but that is just not the case.
The Power of Self-Awareness
“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom” Aristotle
Exposed Weaknesses
One of the therapists I follow - said “what is ruining relationships is unrealistic expectations and unresolved childhood trauma.” As she continued to expand on this she says “we...
The Stories we tell ourselves
I’ve been working the business side of my journey while letting life settle into really healthy experiences on the intimate side.
The Gift of Shame
“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” Brene Brown
Setting a Vision
Most do this and call it New Year’s resolutions. There is a difference between a resolution and a vision.
‘Tis the Season
‘Tis the season for holiday cheer, Christmas Lights, bells ringing, generosity, kindness, matching pajamas, Christmas trees, ornaments, stockings, Elf on the Shelf, Santa Claus...
Why Gratitude?
“Being grateful does not mean that everything is necessarily good. It just means that you can accept it as a gift.” - Roy T. Bennett
My Mental Health
Today is World Mental Health Day and after the summer I have had, I couldn’t let the day go by without at least addressing the importance of this movement to understand mental health...
Imposter Syndrome
“I still have a little bit of impostor syndrome. It doesn’t go away, that feeling that you shouldn’t take me that seriously.
Adrenaline Spike
I was supposed to share a life update at one of my board meetings this morning. I had taken the time to write out exactly what I wanted to say.
Before Dawn
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Feelings, Thoughts, Actions
What happens when your feelings betray you?
Grief is Like the Ocean
“Grief is like the ocean: it’s deep and dark and bigger than all of us. And pain is like a thief in the night. Quiet. Persistent. Unfair.” S. Wallace
How Not to Gaslight Your Friends and Family
These are really hot psychological terms right now.
Leave Your Opinion at the Door
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” -Stephen R. Covey
Love is in the Air
“You don’t spell love, you feel it!” ~ Winnie the Pooh
Savor It
Sometimes you’ll never know the value of a moment, until it becomes a memory. Dr. Seuss
Sitting with your Feelings
“I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.“-Oscar Wilde
The End is Near
“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings” Lau Tzu
The Litmus Tests
I am a huge fan of physical touch! I would do well in an Italian or Greek family!
What is Love?
As a relationship coach, one of the first steps in the process of working with others and their various relationships is helping them to define what love truly is.
Your Circle
“I do not wish to treat friends daintily but with the roughest courage. When they are real they are not glass threads or frost-work but the solidest thing we know” Ralph Waldo Emerson
Biblio-coaching: What, How, and Why
She sits in her comfy chair, book in hand with tea beside her. She ponders the question posed during her previous coaching session and takes a deep breath.
